Life's Kickin' Me Down

The only way I can deal with it is with Jazz and Blues. Louis Armstrong especially, my god he has such a voice and that trumpet. That's it, that's all I need to feel better. I swear sometimes I honestly don't think I belong in this time. Usually I listen to 80s stuff though, that's if I'm dealing with issues of the heart and asking myself why life is so damn complicated, I pop in an 80s movie and all the questioning and hurt goes away. Now I'm healing and mmmm... it feels so good. I just can't describe it. So amazing and soulful and delicious.

Summertime-Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIDOEsQL7lA

Ranting (Forget This One)

I should be blogging about music but right now music isn't what I want to blog about so I'm going to rant about my day like any other normal person. Or maybe not. No. Normal people dump this sort of crap on their friends but right now I don't have any friends available to hear my problems. So for now you're going to be my friends.

I just want attention so don't even read this.

You know what maybe I don't want attention. I mean I don't even know why I want to tell you all my problems, why the hell I have been so pissed off at school lately and why I can't concentrate. But I will anyways because secretly I want people to know.

Why the hell do guys have to be such idiots? I mean I've been nice to this one guy, I really thought we were like maybe friends almost slightly more than acquaintances. Then he flips out on me and starts asking for sex. Really. I mean maybe he was kidding, maybe he wasn't, I have no idea, I can't read minds. All I know for sure is that we hardly talk anymore, not my fault he made a fool of himself. I don't know who he thinks but I am but I'm definitely not a slut.

I hope he feels like a retard. Sometimes I think he does.

We haven't brought it up at all. I'm not the kind of person that can do that easily. But the last time I blogged I think I wrote about when I screwed up and let my friends write crap to him that made no sense. I apologized like 2 days later. No apology from him yet. I doubt I'm getting one because he probably doesn't give a shit.

BTW if this is making no sense to you at all it's probably because my head is screwed up and I have Whip My Hair on replay. I told you not to read it. Oh I wonder if that pic at the beginning threw you off?

So for now my plan is to just shake 'em off and not to let his hatin' get me off my grind.

I hope I hurt his ego by declining his offer. Ha. Ass.

New Year, Same Old Problems

Well congratulations everyone we have made it through another decade. Exept for you people that died, uh I guess you can spend the new year with Michael Jackson. Or maybe there was no new year for you...questions, questions. Stupid. Anyways my year was pretty cool I guess it started off OK. I mean there wasn't anything totally awesome going on in my life, I was at Disneyworld which was pretty cool. I mostly looking forward to moving here. Now that I'm here it's pretty cool nothing extra amazing. I'm still alive I guess.

That's not the point though. I mean I have been feeling extra depressed lately and I don't know why, I've been thinking too much probably. This one guy who I think is my friend won't talk to me anymore for some stupid reason and I dont know how to make good friends. Anyways so about this one guy.

We talk a lot especially during free period but then my sister and my awesome friend Gavi(that wasn't sarcasm by the way she is pretty awesome but what she's about to do next isn't) were talking to him on facebook. Gavi being herself decides to go into the topic of sex and saying a bunch of random crap on the subject. Talking about my virginity and stuff and he really had to go. Then my sister starts talking to him and saying the weirdest things like "I'm yo baby's daddy". And this is all happening on my account. Oh my wonderful friends. So she keeps saying this stuff and not mentioning it's her and not me. She even goes on to messaging him.

I apologized the next day, or maybe the day after becuase I had a party to go to and I was pretty busy. And he never responds. So I decided maybe he was busy and not at the computer. So I tried again another day. No response. So I decided that was it I had even tried making jokes about the whole thing, I looked like an idiot. And now I guess he thinks I am one.

I don't know why I am being so stubborn but I won't talk to him. Honestly I've been acting like I hate him, he's really pissing me off. I don't want to be the first one to say something I don't want to break. It probably has something to do with my past and shit but that would be way to long a blog. So eventually I'll probably talk first, if I don't I might feel like I've accomplished something. I think he's being completely immature though, I mean it was just some stupid stuff online. My sister thought he didn't have a dad or something and "Baby's Daddy" might have triggered some emotional explosion. I laughed. He does have a dad btw.

So maybe I'll say something maybe I'll ask why he's being such an immature little girl. But I'm not that mean so maybe I'll just say hey.