Starting Over

This has been bothering me for months now. I can't help but think about starting my life over and I mean moving to a completely different town and figuring it all out on my own. Why the hell I would think about that I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm so tired of being here and seeing the same stuff all the time. I'm just done with this. I can't see my life here anymore, I don't want this at all, I want to laugh and love and feel absolutely free. All I feel now is trapped. I feel so useless too, I've tried doing so much but I can't figure out where it is I'm needed. No. Not where I'm needed but where I feel right. I don't feel right anywhere. I don't feel like a part of anything. I don't belong anywhere. How the hell am I contributing to society?

I think I just want my own life. I want my own struggles and I want to face them head on. I want to know that I can take care of myself. I want a job as a flight attendant. I want to travel and stay in hotels. I want to meet interesting people. I've lost sight of all my goals. I don't know what I want anymore. What's happened to me?

All I can think of is trying to finish my associates degree in liberal arts then becoming a flight attendant. I just don't want to go to school if it means I have to live in my parents' house. I can't do that anymore. I have to live my own life. There is no change if I stay here. I don't hate my parents or my family, I really love them I just can't live here and think my life is going to be any different then when I was in high school.

I just wish I could talk to them about this without feeling like I'm letting them down completely. I don't even know why I feel that way. They've always said they'd be happy with whatever I chose to do with my life, so why can't I say that I want to quit school after I get my associate and become a flight attendant. I mean I would most likely go back to school when I'm more certain about what I want to do. It's just right now all I want to do is see the world and try new things.

I'm just really stressed out right now. I should focus on passing my classes instead of worrying about talking to my parents. I'll deal with this over the summer when I see them.